Trust Me, This is an Experience You Won't Remember

Hunter's first Dodger game

Zoey has been to Disneyland twice, Sea World once, to several Zoos, and two Dodger games.  We have also had a couple big birthday parties for her.  She even tagged along on a trip to Europe in my tummy.  Hunter went to Sea World in my tummy (poor boy won’t be able to say he was in Europe, but will surely have a better chance of making it there again over a trip to Europe).  He has also been to Disneyland, Zoos, a Dodger game and had a big first birthday party.  Zoey and Hunter won’t retain any substantial memories of these events into adulthood.  I know I’m not the only one to spend small fortunes to take their kids places and give them experiences they won’t remember.  No matter what the price, I wouldn’t take back any of these moments.  I still think they’ve been worthwhile endeavors.  They won’t have the memories, but I will.  I’ll have the pictures of the good times and/or the bad times (often these big days occurred without naps or they were overstimulated, which can make for some cranky times) and the thrill of watching their excitement.    

San Diego Zoo

Zoey can talk and remember places we have been now, but I know she won’t remember them very much longer.  As she learns new things, like letters, numbers and how to write and read she will have less space in her brain to store these memories.  Five months ago we went to Disneyland.  I asked her if she remembered going.  She said she didn’t.  I was surprised by this.  I asked her if she remembered meeting the Princesses and then she remembered.  Now, I was curious to delve into her pockets of memory.  We went to Sea World a year ago.  I asked if she remembered going.  She said she didn’t.  I asked if she remembered seeing the penguins, she said she didn’t remember that, but did recall the fishes she saw there.  I asked if she remembered when Hunter was born and going to see him in the hospital.  She said she didn’t remember holding him while he was sleeping.  This response intrigued me.  I asked her why she said that, if she didn’t remember doing it, she didn’t have much to add, of course.  I wonder if she remembers because she has seen pictures of her holding him or if she really remembers.  She then asked why daddy came home late at night while I was in the hospital, so I know she does have some memories of this time, which is over a year ago now.   

Pictures are like a mnemonic device for memory.  I can look at pictures and recover memories that are just below the surface.  The brain is such an amazing thing in that memories are like books on a shelf, they can be set aside but rediscovered and looked at again.  I don’t remember a great deal from my early childhood.  I have little pieces of memory of things that happened.  One summer when I was about three we were on vacation in San Diego.  It was an overcast summer day, we were at the park and I fell asleep on a blanket.  I ended up with a sunburn that was so bad that my cheek sort of bubbled up.  They had to take me to the hospital and the doctors had to pop the bubble.  My mom always said they did a great job because I am scar free.  I have sort of concocted a memory from the story my mom told me.  The only true memory of this event, which is really the earliest memory I have, is of being in an unfamiliar white room in a bed with white sheets.  It’s interesting what the brain holds onto and what it lets go.     

A day at the park

I wonder what Zoey and Hunter’s earliest memories will be.  While they may not remember specifics of day to day happenings or special excursions, that we spent good money for, it’s okay.  They won’t remember the thousands of hugs and kisses I have given them or the hundreds of times I will hold them when they cry.  I’m hoping they won’t remember the times when I wasn’t at my best with them, when I was cranky and short.  They won’t remember the frustration they felt from me when I was teaching them what was right (from simply sitting correctly at the table to saying sorry when you hurt someone).  It’s not realistic for me to think their childhoods will be 100% perfect, but I can only hope the percentage of good feelings will by far outweigh the bad ones.  These memories or feelings won’t be in their minds, but in their hearts and their souls.  They will affect their future relationship with me and Joe, who they are and who they will become.  No matter what they do or don’t remember of these early years, above all I hope they remember how much they are loved.