I’m Smart, I’m Brave and I’m Beautiful

Smart

The other day I was reading to Zoey before bed.  One of the books I had picked out was a number book which we’ve had since she was a baby.  I used to read it to her and count the frogs, butterflies or flowers on the pages, in time she could count them with me, then she could count them by herself.  Now when I point to the number and ask her what it is, she can tell me.  She knows her numbers 1 to 10!  She’s been recognizing them for a couple months.  This night without hesitation she told me each number.  I was struck with pride.  She also knows many shapes and recognizes some letters.  We have some puzzle pieces floating around the house and one of them is a T.  Yesterday I picked it up and asked her what letter it was.  She said “T for Trisha.”  I think I told her this a couple times but it stuck.  I’m awed by her.  She isn’t in Preschool yet and has picked up on all this without us putting a great deal of emphasis on it. 

She is also a pro with computers.  She used to be obsessed with this website called StarFall.  It’s an education site that my mom showed us.  One day I got tired of sitting there with her and decided to see if she could do it herself.  I moved the mouse to the left side of the keyboard (she’s a lefty) and asked her to try.  After only a couple minutes of me showing her what to do with a few glitches here and there she got it.  Within days she was able to work her way all around that website.  This I think has helped her with recognizing her numbers and letters.  She can manipulate Joe’s Ipad better than I can.  She can figure out her game apps with ease.  I know all of this doesn’t necessarily make her a genius in the world but it makes her a genius to me.  

Brave

Zoey has never been afraid to try new things.  When she was about 18 months we were at the park.  She began climbing the long curved ladder that leads up to the play gym. This yellow ladder was probably 8 feet long and at least six feet off the ground.   It’s meant for big kids but that wasn’t going to stop her.  My first instinct was to take her down.  Instead I stood beneath the ladder with my heart pounding and my arms up ready to catch her.  I have a feeling I will be metaphorically doing this often throughout our lives.  I’m both glad and slightly afraid that she is so brave.  The other night she told me she wants to climb all the way to the top of a tree.  She was asking how she could do it.   She’s got quite an imagination, she asks what would happen if she went into a book, went down the drain or made it to the top of that tree.  My imagination goes right there with her.  I have thought of several children’s books ideas based on things she says or asks. 

Last week she started swimming lessons.  Joe signed her up for an evening class so I could join them after work.  Day 1 she was a little apprehensive.  She loves water but she wasn’t super comfortable in it.  Fast forward to Day 5 when she was jumping into the teachers arms.  She’s now confident in the pool and came a long way in only 5 days.  She has another 4 days left in this session and Joe signed her up for more after that.  Not only is she my brave little girl, she’s going to be a little swimming pro. 

Beautiful

Every mother thinks their daughter is beautiful.  I’m no exception.  Zoey is the most gorgeous girl in the world to me.  She’s a little blondie with bluish green eyes.  I want her to feel beautiful inside and out always.  I went through and still go through stages where I’m unhappy with my weight and/or looks and I don’t want her to have these struggles.  I’m working hard right now to get down to an ideal weight for me (and stay there).  I try my best not to talk about my weight in front of her and emphasize that exercise is important.  I want her to feel confident and beautiful in her own skin in a way I never have. 

Mantra

I’m absolutely amazed by her.  Not only do I want her to know it but I want her to be amazed by herself too. This mantra popped into my head while I was sitting with her that night. I said it out loud “I’m smart, I’m brave and I’m beautiful.”  I had her repeat it and she smiled when she said it.  I hope this saying will stick with us throughout the years to come.  Zoey is all three of these things and I want her to know and feel it always.

Decisions, Decisions: Putting Down Roots

I question myself and ponder upon many of the decisions I make on behalf of my children.  These choices could be both big and small.  Of course I have their best interest at heart when I try to make them.  I think I can confidently say that I’m not the only parent that does this.

Growing up is hard. I want to make life seamless for Zoey and Hunter.  While I know kids are resilient, I want to do everything within my power to help things go smoothly for them.  I question how I parent on many different levels.  From wondering if I brush Zoey’s teeth well enough to discipline techniques, pediatricians, preschools and in large part the home or city we live in.  In many ways I’m a perfectionist and really a control freak in some situations.  I’d like to do whatever I can that is within in my control to make life ideal for them.   Intellectually I know that nothing can be perfect but I still strive for it.   I can’t control every aspect of our lives but the ones that I have any say in I aim to.

My recent “let me obsess over this decision” is how one chooses the best place to live.  I think this is easier for homeowners.   When buying a home you put down roots.  You’re kids go to whatever school district you live.  It’s all been decided, you plan to stay for the long haul.   We don’t own a home.  There is no permanence in renting, no root planting.  We moved from a place we owned, a one bedroom condo in Long Beach to a two bedroom apartment in Los Alamitos that we rent.

In Long Beach we were only blocks from the beach.  It was great to get those ocean scents at night and be within walking distance of it, but we rarely took Zoey down there.  Though, Joe to this day still says he misses running on the beach. It’s hard to say we miss anything else.  It wasn’t a place we wanted to raise our kids.   We lived on a very busy street, right near a traffic light.  While this might be fine for other parents, it didn’t feel right for us.  We didn’t feel secure letting Zoey walk down the street.  I felt like I needed to be right there with her, holding her hand.  We didn’t have a yard or a safe place for her to play.  Parking was also difficult to find.  At times we had to park blocks away from where we lived.

I knew that by the time Zoey was school age we needed to be living in a city in which we planned to stay.  We needed to put down some roots, but we were pulling up roots by short selling our condo.  When we bought it I had hoped it would be our starter home.  I thought we’d live there a few years, then sell it and use the profits to buy a family home.  The housing market crashed and it didn’t work out the way I had planned.  I had always heard great things about the Los Alamitos School District.  So when it came time to look for a place to live Los Alamitos was the only place I wanted to look.  We found an apartment.  It wasn’t everything I wanted.  I would have liked to have a backyard, a washer and dryer hook up but it was two bedrooms and we could afford it.  The area is pleasant and the street we live on is calm.  The sights and sounds of kids playing on the street is frequent.  I feel safe letting Zoey walk ahead and ride her bike and don’t feel the need to be right by her side.  

We outgrew our two bedroom apartment when Hunter arrived.  We make it work as we have no choice.  The cost of a three bedroom is more than we can afford on one income.  We don’t have the funds to buy a house soon.  I thought Los Alamitos was where we would stay but I’m not sure we’ll be able to buy a house here.  It’s also far too expensive to rent a house at this point.  Until Joe is lucky enough to get a teaching job this is the dilemma we are in.  We have two more years before Zoey will start Kindergarten. I would prefer to choose a city and stay there while the kids are in school.  I know millions of kids move all the time and survive it.  I just don’t want Zoey and Hunter to have to move once they have established friendships if I can help it.  Eventually, It would be ideal to be able to rent or possibly buy a house in a city in which we plan to stay.  I just don’t know if this will be possible in Los Alamitos.  I’m not sure how to make a confident decision about choosing another city.   

Maybe I’m worrying too much about this like I do every other decision.  Maybe a house with a yard, a city or a school district doesn’t matter as much as having two loving parents.  Maybe I have to decide what is more important, a highly rated school district versus a house with a yard.  I know that not having a backyard will not deter them from being upstanding individuals.  It would just be so great if they had one. 

There are people with less than us that have grown up to do great things.  There are people with more that have gone on to do worse things.  As long as Joe and I are there and do the best we can do with what we have everything will work out in the end.  If I make everything as perfect as I can then Zoey and Hunter won’t develop the skills they’d need to overcome hardships when come across them.  The problem is that I want so much more for them than what I can provide right now.  They don’t know what they are missing if I don’t tell them.   I have to accept and be happy with what I can provide right now.  

We still have two more years to decide where we want to plant roots.  If we want to stay here or move somewhere else.  Even homeowners have to move and nothing is truly permanent.  Hold on a minute, is this me saying I will stop worrying so much and stop pondering every decision? Maybe for just a moment, until I start to question myself again.

Father's Day & Stay at Home Dad




The best picture I could get!

No one deserves a father’s day blog posting more than the father of my children. Joe is an awesome stay at home daddy. The stay at home situation isn’t ideal for him but there is no one else I would rather take care of our kids.  Joe has his teaching credential. He wants to be a history teacher and one day will be. He just graduated at the exact wrong time, right when new teaching positions practically disappeared.  I so happened to have been lucky enough to have good, stable jobs.  It has worked out better for him to stay at home and for me to be a working mommy.

Short of a semester when Joe was student teaching, he has been home with since Zoey since she was born in October 2008. Almost a year ago now we added Hunter to the mix. Joe does an amazing job with them. While he doesn’t love being at home, he rarely lets it show. Joe handles everything in stride and the kids are happy (usually) and healthy.  He recently told me the day-to-day craziness of the kids doesn’t even faze him anymore.  These lucky kids get to go to a different park almost every day. Zoey is a daredevil on the playground. There is no slide or climbing apparatus on any playground that intimidates her. I wonder if she would’ve been quite as brave had it been me with her each day at the park. On days they skip the park they might go to the library, bookstore or on a play date. I know Joe gets bored and longs for the stimulation of being around adults.  He would prefer standing in front of a room full of students teaching something he loves.  But he makes the best of the situation.

I have only a slight idea of what it’s like to stay at home everyday. Obviously I’m there on nights and weekends but am not there for the weekly daily grind.   Other than that I only had three and a half months of maternity leave with each kid. It’s hard work. Some days are worse than others. It takes a lot out of a person to keep the kids busy, the house clean and have no time for yourself. Joe does the majority of the cleaning and essentially all the cooking (he’s a great cook and has always cooked for me).

I wish I could be the one staying home and given the chance and monetary security I think I would. I cried for weeks leading up to my return to work from maternity leave. I longed to be with my kids all day long. Even though it was hard work and could be stressful--I was with my babies and it was amazing. It breaks my heart to walk out the door some mornings. Other days I’m glad for the reprieve.  On my first day back to work in November he put a note in my lunch. The first line read, “Here we go again, each of us filling the role that the other should [wants to] be playing.”

I don’t express how grateful I am for all that he does for the kids and me quite enough. I don’t have the words to express how much it means to me.  I appreciate him as a husband and a father.  We are 50/50 partners in parenting. When I question my role as a mother, he alleviates my fears and tells me I’m the best mom he has ever seen. He’s by far the best father I have known.  I hope one day he will look back on these years and be grateful he had these precious years with our kids. They probably won’t fully remember that he was the one home with them but I know they will always have a special bond with their daddy.

Happy Father’s Day Joe! 

Bedtime Stories (Part 2)

 

Baby Coming Soon

 

I knew we needed to figure something out before the new baby came. There was no way we were going to be able to sit with her for so long with a newborn around. It was nearing Daylight Savings time. We ended up keeping her up longer. We told her we were going to sit by her door instead of on her bed and had to throw in some Super Nanny every once in a while. After a while we told her we weren’t going to sit by the door anymore.  And for the most part this worked.

Hunter and Monsters

 

Hunter’s arrival and Zoey’s bedtime drama is a blur.  At some point in Hunter’s first couple of months Zoey started seeing monsters.  They arrived around the time we started letting her watch Disney movies. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White both movies she loves to watch had something to do with the monsters arrival.  One night she must’ve had a dream about monsters because the next morning she told us there had been two lions, a witch and a monster in her room.  She was very afraid.  That day Joe sat down at the kitchen table with her.  Together they made a paper knife that she could use to slay the monsters.  They also made some posters that said Go Away Monster, etc.  This didn’t completely appease these new fears.  I would have to go into her room and kick the monsters away.

Cat and Brother

 

When Hunter was about 6 months old Zoey went through a stage where she didn’t want to be alone. She wanted our cat Romeo to sleep with her. It took several minutes of petting Romeo to get him to lie down and stay on her bed. If she stayed still it was fine.  They would both fall asleep—yay!  One night Zoey asked if Hunter could sleep with her.  I decided then was as good a time as any for them to start sharing a room.  So, then she needed Romeo and Hunter in her room.  But she wasn’t staying still and Romeo kept getting up. And then she would get up and run after him.  After a while we just couldn’t do this anymore. I told her that Romeo couldn’t sleep with her anymore. She was upset at first but got over it much quicker than I thought she would. 

Don’t Wake the Baby

Again, we struggled to keep her in her room.  But the stakes were higher now with Hunter in there. Each night I hold my breath and pray that she won’t wake him up.  On the nights she wakes up Hunter one of us take Hunter into our room to get him back to sleep.  Zoey gets upset that Hunter was gone.  Taking him out became her consequence for waking him up.

What Else Can We Try?

 

Then I made a chart. I told her if she didn’t get out of bed then the next morning she would get a sticker. She stayed in her bed for seven days straight! We bought her a little Tinkerbell doll for doing so well.  I thought I was on to something.  I made a chart for a month because if she was going to do so well I didn’t want to have to buy a toy each week. She only got one sad face (and I added an extra box on her chart that she had to make up) for the whole month.  After she filled this chart she picked out the movie Tangled as her reward.

Present Day—Here We Go Again

 

Then we started a new month.  She spent the weekend away from home (which has only happened a couple times before) and Daylight Savings time is here again and throwing her off. Here comes another Zoey curveball.  Just when I think I have it all figured out! It’s so frustrating.  Out of the last 14 days she has 6 sad faces on her chart and almost a week to make up for.

This girl just doesn’t want to go to sleep.  It wouldn’t be so tough, at least at this point, if she didn’t share a room with Hunter. Then I wouldn’t have to worry each night if she will wake him up or not.  Her being in there limits us to what we can do to keep her there.  

Why Why Why?

 

I don’t know if we have these issues because she is a night owl and stubborn like her parents or if we did something along the way to cause this. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. But all we can do is the best we can.  I have learned though and don’t plan on going through this with Hunter.  I already have him on a sleep schedule.  We put him down at the same time every night and he is tired and ready to go to sleep at bedtime.  What a concept!  And you can tell when he’s tired and he actually takes naps.  Zoey never really seemed to get tired and didn’t really ever take naps. They are very different kids, which is probably a good thing in the sleep department.  I’m hoping he’s less stubborn than Zoey!

As quickly as time and phases of childhoods go this is all just a drop in my bottle of time. We will have harder things to come I’m sure. It just feels so huge, never-ending and exasperating when you are in the trenches. But this will end and the next stage will begin.

I’m sorry for these two really long blog posts right in a row.  I’m not planning on them being so long in the future.  I’m just trying to look back and work through these sleep issues for my own sanity.  As I type this Hunter is awake and in our room with Joe and Zoey is rolling around and wide awake in her bed. When will this end?  All I really want to scream is “Zoey just go to SLEEP!” And I just might do it!  

Bedtime Stories (Part 1)

Bedtime is my least favorite time of day.  I wish I could say it was my favorite.   That it was easy to send both my children off to dreamland each night.  That after I tuck my kids in I get to sit, relax and watch a TV show or two before I go to bed.  It would be nice, it would be sweet but it isn’t so.  We never know what we are going to get each night.  Sometimes, Zoey literally goes softly into that good night, but there are so many other nights in which she doesn’t. In the back of my mind I’m always aware that Zoey could do any number of these things to make this longed for bedtime scenario not so.  She could get out of bed countless times. She can ask for water numerous times.  One night she put a toy baby and Jack from the Nightmare Before Christmas in Hunter’s crib and took his Sleepy Guy (a cute little stuffed panda that I’m trying to associate with sleep for him) and put it in her bed. 

I feel like we’re at her mercy.  As the last thing we want is for her to wake up her brother. When she does wake him up he stands up and cries.  It doesn’t feel fair to let him cry it out.  It’s not his fault that his sister who doesn’t want to go to bed awoke him from his pleasant slumber.  Then Joe and I have to get both kids to sleep.  We get cranky and aggravated with Zoey and our hope for that night’s bedtime becomes a nightmare.

Bedtime has always been difficult with Zoey.  Presently, the whole bedtime nonsense is better than ever considering where we have been but is still far from ideal.  Here is a brief history of Zoey and sleep.

In Utero

When she was still in the womb she was at her most active at night.  I worked in retail and didn’t get home until well after midnight that was when she rocked and rolled in my tummy, keeping me awake even then! 

Welcome to the World

Zoey was 10 lbs 10 oz when she was born.  Needless to say I had a very uncomfortable pregnancy and a C-section was highly recommended.  That first night when I was in a great deal of pain and exhausted but we were both awake.  She was in her clear plastic crib and we just looked at each other, getting accustomed to each other in the wee hours of the night.

Homecoming

For the first month or more her wakeful hours were in the middle of the night.  And no amount of holding or rocking or feeding would put her to sleep.  She was just AWAKE, and we were tired first time parents who didn’t know what we were doing.  Maybe some of this bedtime stuff can be blamed on us.  Maybe some of it’s just Zoey and how she would’ve been anyway—a night owl, like her parents. 

Joe who was working on his teaching credential would give up and do homework at 3 in the morning because he was awake anyway.  On the nights it was my turn with her, I ended up watching TV.  She would be awake for hours.

Mommy, Daddy and Zoey’s Room

When she got older we turned to the “cry it out” method.  I think the longest she cried for over an hour which was heart wrenching.  She eventually worked, but she still woke up at night.  We shared a room with her until she was a little over 2 years old.  At this time we lived in a one bedroom condo that we had bought at the exact wrong time.  We bought it right before the market crashed and we were stuck unable to refinance and unable to sell. 

When she was about 22 months we removed the front part of her crib turning it into a bed.  We did this hoping this would entice her to stay in her bed.  Looking back at this now, I wonder what we were thinking.  We wanted her to stay in her bed, yet we made it easy for her to get out on her own! How was this a good idea? How would we get her to stay there when it was bed time?  We hadn’t thought this through.  But we didn’t look back, just tried to keep her in her bed.  We tried the Super Nanny, where you put them back in their bed and don’t speak.  When this didn’t work after several nights we lost our stamina. Instead we sat next to her bed each night until she fell asleep.  Joe and I took turns sitting with her each night. I listened to audio books and Joe listened to pod casts on our ipods.  Most nights I would squeeze my hand between the slats of the bed because she wanted to hold hands.

A Room of Her Own

We short sold our condo and moved into a two bedroom apartment.  It was just in time too because I was pregnant.  She was confused for a week or so.  She would cry and say she wanted to go home.  We had to explain that we were home, all of our stuff was here now.  We spent hours in her room trying to keep her in her bed.  We literally sat in front of her bed and physically blocked her in her bed.  And she would scream and cry.  Our new neighbors probably hated us.

A Big Girl Bed

We ended up buying her a twin bed again hoping to entice her with something different.  We were going to need the crib for the new baby anyway so it was time for a big girl bed.  She loved her new bed but we still struggled with getting her to stay in it.  We did the Super Nanny thing again.  And after doing it for almost an hour one night her laughing and dancing around put a stop to it.  It was a game to her, she was enjoying it, which made us even madder.  Here again we lost our resolve and gave up.  We went back to sitting with her and blocking her in her bed until she fell asleep.  Some nights we sat there with her for up to an hour.  Sometimes we fell asleep in there.  Once she was asleep we were golden.  We didn’t really have a problem with her waking up at night and coming into our room.  She did this/does this about 5% of the time.

To be continued...

Bottling Time

Each day the passage of time is marked by how quickly my kids change and grow.  Each second is precious (okay not all of them) and yet they are gone in an instant.  Here I hope to capture moments and ensure that they become memories before they slip away.  This blog will be my bottle and my posts will be time.  I'm hoping this will help me be more present in each minute with my children.  Sometimes I will be sappy and sentimental about the joys of mommydom. And other times I will rant and complain about how freaking hard it is.  Being a mother is one of the toughest and yet most rewarding experiences I have ever had and probably will ever have.  Zoey, now 3-1/2 years old and Hunter, now 10 months, are my heart.  I want to remember as much as I can about the funny things they say and do.  I want to remember my accomplishments and failures on this journey of parenthood as I learn along the way. 

I wrote a poem for Zoey before she was born.  I will include a bit of it here as it sums up how I feel about being a mom. 

Soon, you will be here with me, in my arms,

breathing on your own and no longer living

through me.  I look forward to your first cry,

first smile, first steps and your first words

with both joy and sadness as you becoming you,

will take you a little further away from me.

You will be part of the world and not mine alone......

It is with great might that I will always love you

and it is with great strength that someday, in both

small and big ways, I will have to let you,

my little baby, my sweet daughter, my heart, go.

Stay tuned as I begin bottling time...

Hunter and Zoey
Mother's Day 2012