National Novel Writing Month and Me

The rules: 

    *    Write a 50,000-word (or longer!) novel, between November 1 and November 30.

• Start from scratch. None of your own previously written prose can be included in your NaNoWriMo draft (though outlines, character sketches, and research are all fine, as are citations from other people’s works).
• Write a novel. We define a novel as a lengthy work of fiction. If you consider the book you’re writing a novel, we consider it a novel too!
• Be the sole author of your novel. Apart from those citations mentioned two bullet-points up.
• Write more than one word repeated 50,000 times.
• Upload your novel for word-count validation to our site between November 25 and November 30.

Write a novel in 30 days, really?  It’s never been a goal of mine, but each year when I hear someone mention this novel writing month of November I think about doing it.  This year, I felt a stronger itch to try it, so I signed up on the website to take on the task.  Where will I find time to do said novel writing?  My only pockets of uninterrupted time will be before work, at lunch and after the kids are asleep.  I will need to write 1,667 words a day to stay on track.  In theory this sounds manageable, let’s see what happens when life gets in the way.  To make this happen though, I will have to take a brief hiatus from my weekly blog postings for November.  There’s no possible way I’ll have enough time in my day to write my blog and a novel.  

While this doesn’t totally follow the rules, I already have a very rough draft of a teen novel that I will be expanding upon during these 30 days.  One day, shortly after I gave my two weeks notice at Barnes & Noble, I woke up with an idea for a book.  I bought two journals that inspired me and seemed to fit the theme of the story.  I hand wrote this rough draft in my car before work at my new job.  I was thrilled when I finished it and it felt more like a beginning than an ending.  Then I got busy being pregnant with Hunter, having Hunter, having two kids to take care of and I never got around to doing anything with the draft.  This book and it’s characters have been living in my head for almost two years now.  The story has been expanding in my head over time.  My draft is just a skeleton of the story, essentially it’s an extended outline, at least that is how I’m thinking about it in relation to this contest.  If I planned to just type up my draft this would be cheating, but that’s not what I’m going to do.  I might occasionally glance at the draft to keep myself on track, but I will be writing in anew and adding onto the story already in my head.   This month will be my motivation to bring these characters to life.

I touched on my dream of becoming a published author in my post, Eighty Years Old: Death Bed.  I want to be an example for my kids and have them see me passionate about something other than them and see me work to follow my dreams.  At this point, they are far too young to be aware of what their parents do, but eventually I’d like them to feel proud and impressed with my accomplishments or at least at my attempts!  

Here’s to hoping I can be disciplined enough to write at least 50,000 words in November and that my creative juices will flow abundantly.  See you in a month, when I emerge from my writing cave, with novel in hand.     

Zoey and the Princess Phase

My Snow White

Aurora from Sleeping Beauty is Zoey’s favorite Disney Princess. I asked her what she likes about this Princess that she so adores.  She said she likes her hair, her pink dress and her face.  She wants to have long hair like Aurora and Rapunzel and while she covets their long blonde locks, she has yet to say she wants to be beautiful like them.  I hope this is because we’ve done our job and she already knows she is.

I know every young girl isn’t drawn to Princesses, I wasn’t.  They also weren’t as prevalent when I was growing up.  I remember liking Strawberry Shortcake, Care Bears and Cabbage Patch dolls.  I vaguely remember my sisters Brittany and Brooke having a thing for Ariel from Little Mermaid, but I would’ve been beyond the Princess loving age at that point.  In the stores now, it’s a Princess explosion, you can’t walk down a toy aisle at Target or Toys R Us without being bombarded by Disney Princesses.

I can’t recall the exact point that Zoey’s love of Princesses began, it was sort of a slow progression.  She was two almost three years old, when Joe wanted to start showing her Disney movies.  We started with the classic Mickey Mouse cartoons, which she loved.  Then we moved on to Snow White (it was Joe’s DVD), she was scared and didn’t like it at first as it contains some dark scenes that I had forgotten about.  It’s both strange and enlightening to watch these movies through a child’s eyes.  We have Netflix and Joe began adding Disney movies to our queue.  She was so excited to see the red envelopes come in the mail.  We rented movies from Alice in Wonderland to Beauty and the Beast to Dumbo to Peter Pan and Sleeping Beauty.  She fell in love with Aurora and the fairies from Sleeping Beauty and most definitely preferred the Princess movies over the others.  When Princess and the Frog and Tangled were on Netflix streaming she became obsessed with those.  She has now seen every Disney Princess movie out there.  She knows all the Princesses by name, owns several Princess toys and dolls and when given a choice will chose the Princess theme every time.  When we let her pick out a poster to hang in her room and a bike for her birthday, of course, she went the way of the Princess.

At Disneyland Zoey meets Belle

I’m okay with this Princess phase even if the feminist inside me cringes sometimes.  The Princesses are too perfect to be true, but they aren’t real.  While I think many of us would welcome movies in which Princesses have realistic shapes and don’t get married at the end, for now this isn’t the case.  At least the Princesses don’t stand around talking about being pretty and calling attention to their looks.  It’s the jealous ones like Snow White’s stepmother and Cinderella’s stepsisters that call attention to it.  Besides, I think any ideas Zoey will get from the media about how a female “should” look will come later and not from cartoons.  My body image issues were derived more from the people around me and what they said, over what I saw in the media.  I believe it will be the same for Zoey and I try my best to be cognizant of what I say around her.  I try to avoid the word fat regarding myself or any one else.  We will teach her that we all have different hair, skin and body types and that is what makes us interesting.  We are all perfect in our own way.

This Princess phase will end in a few years and her next obsession will begin.  She’ll get into music and movies with real people in them.  She’ll get crushes on boys in bands and actors in movies and TV shows.  This will date me, but my poster walls were covered with New Kids on the Block posters.  My movie and TV crushes were Tom Cruise, Michael J. Fox and Kirk Cameron.  Yet for now, for Zoey, there’s no turning back, she’s deep into the Princess phase and no matter what we do, it’s here to stay for a while. As long as she doesn’t grow up thinking she needs a Prince to save her, this is fine with me.  Though Disney is changing things up a bit and making the Princess stories more modern, for instance the Princesses now are stronger and have thrown passivity to the wind.  They take more active roles in the outcome of their lives.  In the Princess and the Frog, Tiana is trying to raise money to start her own restaurant and isn’t interested in finding love.  Love finds her and while she does get married and become a Princess in the end, she still follows her dream and opens her restaurant.  In Tangled, the male character isn’t a Prince, but a thief.  While Eugene helps to free Rapunzel from the witch’s evil grasp at the end of the move, it’s Rapunzel that wakes Eugene from his “sleep” and brings him back to life.  In Brave, Merida is a strong-willed girl who rides horses and explores on her own.  She doesn’t want or need a Prince.  This is one of few Princess movies that doesn’t end with a wedding.  We took Zoey to see Brave in the theaters and she was scared by several of the scenes.   While it has a good message for young girls, I think it’s best to leave this movie for girls older than three. 

At Disneyland Zoey meets Tiana

Zoey doesn’t talk much about the Princes, at this point they’re more of an after thought.  I want her to grow up strong and independent and not searching for someone else to complete her.  I always thought of myself as independent, but remember feeling like I needed a Prince on a white horse to come save me.  I would joke about it, but in a way I really hoped for a savior.  I was always searching for someone to come along and complete me, make me happy.  I know now that that’s not possible.  Another human being can’t complete or make you happy if you aren’t already.  I’d love for Zoey to grasp this concept in her teens and not search for a Prince, but for herself.  When she finds someone to love she’ll know they’re on a journey together, pulling each other up when they need to, but not holding each other up.  She won’t learn this by watching Princesses in movies, she’s going to learn this from me and her dad.

I want Zoey to know that things won’t be handed to her in life, that she can’t sit around waiting for life to happen to her.  She’s in charge of her own happiness, but you know what?  She isn’t thinking about any of this right now.  She’s just a four year old girl that enjoys playing with Princesses in fancy dresses and watching them on TV.  Zoey is still young, too young to think about her looks, falling in love and getting married.  The Disney Princesses will not determine her future, they’re just a distraction as she grows up.  It is to be hoped that Disney will keep strong female role models coming!  Hear that Disney?  Yet even if that doesn’t happen any time soon, for now, and maybe always, I see nothing wrong with letting her dream about happy endings, pretty things and dancing. She’ll have plenty of time to live in the real world, so for now, there’s no harm in letting her live in a fairy tale land for as long as she can.

            

Zoey Turns Four

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. --Elizabeth Stone

Dress up fun

On October 17th, 2008, Zoey Lynn, my 10 lb. 10 oz big bundle of baby was pulled from my womb C-section style and I became a mommy.  I had no idea what I was doing or what I was in for.  Motherhood is the most difficult, most amazing and most heart wrenching experience I will ever endure.  I’ve never been happier, more worried, more proud or more mad because of another human being ever before.  Zoey is inquisitive and stubborn, beautiful and wild, shy and brave, smart and sweet, good and bad, a little obsessive and mine.

She makes my heart melt and she makes my heart burn.  She manipulates situations and pushes my buttons.  Sometimes she frustrates me, makes me yell (and I’m not proud but there have been cuss words uttered in her presence), she makes me cry with exasperation and demand why she just won’t listen.  After my meltdown on top of her meltdown she makes me wish I was more patient.  Even after all the maddening torment of parenthood, she is still my heart walking outside my body and I would do anything to protect her. 

The other day she was pushing her limits, being jealous of Hunter and throwing tantrums throughout the long day.  A few minutes before bedtime she was sitting on the floor in front of the freezer crying and begging for another popsicle.  I was done with her nonsense, but then in a lighthearted voice I asked, “Zoey, can we send you back?”  I immediately felt bad for saying this, but there was no taking it back.  She stopped whining and In a sad little voice asked, “Where?  Back to the hospital?”  I had been thinking back to the womb, but I thought her response was smart.  I added, “Yeah, let’s go pack up your stuff.”  She said she didn’t want to go back, she stopped asking for another popsicle and we headed off to get ready for bed.  Even though this offhanded threat worked, I haven’t used it since.  The thought of not having this girl, my daughter, in my life every day and the possibility of her thinking that I don’t want her there is unimaginable.  

Her new big girl bike

My great uncle Al and Zoey share a birthday, they just have ninety-six years between them.  He will be 100 years old this birthday.  He still lives by himself and was still driving until a few years ago.  My mom’s side of the family has been blessed with longevity.  My great grandma lived to be 99.  My great Uncle Al made it goal to live longer than his mom had and now he’s succeeded!  I hope the longevity gene was passed down to Zoey (and Hunter).  Here’s to another ninety-six happy and healthy years for Zoey.  Happy 4th birthday my love bug!

I wrote a silly birthday poem for Zoey this year.  I had intended to write one for my kids on their birthdays each year, but haven’t quite accomplished this, maybe every other year will be my goal.  Anyway, here’s the poem:

4th Birthday Poem for Zoey

My love bug is four

shut the door!

Say it’s not true

what will I do?

I’d like to slow the years to a stop

it’s not working, on they hop.

It’s okay, this is just the beginning

so far away is the ending.

She’s shy, but brave

and sometimes won’t behave,

She hasn’t mastered the art of listening

I love to spy while she’s pretending.

She’s oh so pretty and so tall

heads above them all.

She loves to sing song after song

and wants me to sing along.

Big sister is her role

she loves Hunter, her baby bro.

He wants do everything she does

run, jump and try to fly just because.

Princesses are her fave

this will change, it’s just a phase.

She loves her pink blanket still

but with her monkey she’s had her fill.

She’s in preschool now

I can’t believe it, wow.

She loves to count, 

the ABCs, she will shout. 

Z to the O to the E to the Y

she makes my heart soar so high.

She loves to snuggle and loves to hug

I adore her more than ladybugs.

Anxious Me Part III (Zen Me?)

If you get into the mindset of thinking about what you *could* be doing, you’ll never be happy doing what you actually *are* doing.--Leo Babauta

I’m trying to be as Zen as I can without too much effort.  I’m just looking to change my mindset, not my religion.  Happy in the now and fully present in the moment, calm and as worry free as possible is how I’d love to be.  Zen Buddhism is ancient, complex and usually involves a teacher to guide you on your journey to enlightenment.   I’m just going to scratch the surface of what it means to be Zen and be my own guide.  I’ll gather some crumbs of wisdom that I can make my own and use to get myself back on track. 

 “[Buddha] taught people how to realize enlightenment for themselves. He taught that awakening comes through one's own direct experience, not through beliefs and dogmas.” From What Is Buddhism? An Introduction to Buddhism

“Ultimately, Zen is about coming face-to-face with yourself, in a very direct and intimate way. This is not easy.”  From Zen 101: An Introduction to Zen Buddhism

Zen Habits is a website that pops up in google whenever I do a search for Zen.  Leo Babauta’s writes about Zen principles in a simple, direct and enlightening way.   In his post called How to Be Happy Anytime, he writes about the Now Mindset: “Let’s say you’re washing the dishes. Wouldn’t you rather be having a delicious meal instead, or talking with your best friend? Sure, those things are great, but they’re only better if you believe they’re better, and more importantly, the comparison is totally unnecessary. Why should you compare what you’re doing now (washing dishes) with anything else? Wouldn’t almost anything lose out if you compare it to something you like more? Will you ever be happy with what you’re doing if you always compare it with something you like more?...Washing dishes can be as great as anything else, if you decide to see it that way. You’re in solitude, which is a beautiful thing. If you do it mindfully, washing dishes can be pleasant as you feel the suds and water in your hands, pay attention to the dish and its texture, notice your breathing and thoughts. It’s meditation, it’s quiet, it’s lovely.”

To being present....

Last weekend as I was trying to load the dishwasher I had my own moment of enlightenment.  The kids were noisy and everything felt chaotic around me, I was no where near feeling calm.   Zoey was playing the drums on a big pot, wanting me to watch her and Hunter was at my feet, arms up, wanting to be picked up.  Those kids weren’t making it easy to load the dishwasher.  At first I felt like screaming, “Just let me do this!”  Then I realized, I have two kids that I mean the world to and they just want to be near me and have my attention.  While, I have to accept that this leaves little time for me to get things done and do things for myself, this isn’t going to last forever.  Hunter isn’t always going to try to climb into the dishwasher and want to be held and Zoey won’t always want me involved and watching what she’s doing.  I stopped and realized I should be thankful for this right now.  So instead of being annoyed and so not calm that I couldn’t load the dishwasher the way I wanted to, I thought about this.

...even in the messy moments!

Last night when a screaming Zoey (because we wouldn’t let her watch another TV show) woke up Hunter, of course I was annoyed and pissed.  It’s only after both of them are asleep that I can finally relax and get some me time.  On nights such as last night, my me time is non-existent.  But as I sat in the dark of their room, holding Hunter against m chest while Zoey shifted around on her bed, I wasn’t thinking that I’d rather be watching TV.  Instead I listened to Hunter breathing and thought about how nice it was that Hunter was still baby enough to lay against my chest because this goes away.  Instead of feeling annoyed that bedtime didn’t go as planned (and when does it?) I was content to be in the quiet with my kids.  And it felt so much better to be present in that moment than being angry with Zoey for waking Hunter up.

It feels powerful to be at peace right where I am, not thinking about the past or the future, but the now.  If I can sustain this new mindset, I know I will be happier.  I know it will make me a better mom and person.  While each moment isn’t going to be perfect, it’s the moment that I’m in and I can just be.  Being upset about where I am or what I’m not doing will only make me feel anxious and angry.  If I gain nothing else from my peek into being Zen, being able to remember and put this into practice might be enough. 

In my search I came across the ebook, How To Be A Zen Mama by Betsy Henry.  I downloaded it to my Nook (Barnes & Noble electronic reader) for $5.99.  I liked it because it was specific to Zen and motherhood.  The author has older kids and talks a bit about experiences (like homework and grades) that aren’t pertinent to me and my aged kids yet, but the ideas are good and will be helpful in the future.  It’s a quick read and can be read in about an hour or so.  I’ve pulled some quotes from the book that spoke to me:

“If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying?  If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying? --Shantideva 

“The situation didn’t come to stay, it came to pass.”  (I love this because it’s so true.)

“Let your children be who they are.  Their failures are not a reflection of you.  Their successes are not a reflection of you. And they will have both!  And they should.”

“Everything that happens in life is a mixture of good and bad.  Let things go and let them happen as they should.  Try to be calm, don’t worry.”

“I hardly ever got mad before I had children.  I discovered that anger is so natural!  Some children bring out anger you never even knew existed!  However if you’re angry all the time, your children will tune you out.”  

“When you say things in anger you leave a mark.”  I still hear the phrase from childhood that kids would chant on the playground “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Hurtful words cut into the heart and can leave a mark inside forever while a broken bone will heal.  

“The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous.”--Anna Quindlen

“Don’t sweat the big stuff or the small stuff that hasn’t happened yet.”

“Worry, like anger, is a habit.”

“Sometimes we are overcome with what culture says to do.  Listen to your children, listen to your gut and try not to worry.  Life is happening as it should.”

“The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears.”--Ellen Goodman

“Now, this is a radical idea...let your children experience life....You will want to save them from having the same bad experiences that you have had. But they need to make mistakes because this shapes them into the person they will become.”

“Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.”---Soren Kierkegaard

“Sometimes we yell at our children.  We don’t mean to, but we do!  The anger, the exhaustion and yes, disappointment at them not being the person we believed them to be, builds up and we sometimes explode.  Later on or even right away, the guilt sets in.  We all do it.  Let go of the guilt and start by saying, “I’m so sorry.”

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love.  Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.” --Rosaleen Dickson

I will end with the following quote, it sums up what I’m trying to do.

“To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.  To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.  To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.  To Let Go is not be in the middle of arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own destinies.  To Let Go is not to be protective, but to permit others to face reality.  To Let Go is to fear less, and to love more.” --Author Unknown

Anxious Me: Part II (Easing Anxiety)

I had been anxious about putting Anxious Me Part I out into the world.  In some ways it felt so personal, but I’m glad I shared it.  I received responses from several people that were grateful to hear they aren’t alone in their motherhood of anxiety.  It’s been great for me to discover that I’m not the only super anxious mommy out there and am in great company!  My quest to talk myself out of myself continues and I looked for ways to ease these icky feelings.  I did a simple google search and discovered many resources to help one ease their anxiety.  I found a post entitled Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety on a website called Positively Positive.  While it isn’t related to parental anxiety and more to general anxiety, it has some helpful tips for us mommies (or daddies) that adore our kids, but hate the anxiety they bring us, to relax.  These fixes are common sense, but a good reminder every once is a while can’t hurt.  Some of the ideas might work better for others then they will for me and vice versa, but hopefully, at least one of them will help us all find a way to let go.

From Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety

Exercise, Meditation, Yoga
Thirty cumulative minutes a day of any type of physical activity relieves anxiety by flooding your bloodstream with feel-good hormones. Exercise also fosters deeper sleep.

Studies show meditation actually changes the brain. Brain scans of regular meditators show increased activity in the left prefrontal cortex (area of brain associated with joy and equanimity). Meditating also creates silence and stillness, increasing mental focus and the ability to stay in the present moment.

Yoga is a perfect hybrid, giving you physical activity AND meditation.

I'm in there in the infamous dress!

Of course exercise is good for you, we all know that, but I don’t have a lot of time to spare and don’t love exercising.  It’s true though, that when I can make myself get up and do it, I feel better about me and life. When I was trying to dump the baby weight I had gained with Hunter (and make myself fit into a bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding) I made a point to exercise.  I walked before work, on my lunch break and ran in the evenings.  After doing this for months and watching what I ate, I was able to shrink down to two sizes smaller than I had been before I got pregnant.  Then my position and schedule at work changed and as I could already fit into that bridesmaid dress my exercise routine ceased.  It wasn’t a priority anymore and my time was better spent writing and hanging out with my kids rather than making myself sweat.  I need to get back into the habit again, not only so I can shed more pounds, but so I can work out some of this angst.  I walked a few days before work this week and must admit it felt good to get my blood stirring.  I bet there’s some correlation between the recent extreme rise in my anxiety and my sudden reduction of exercise, so this is a good reminder to get me back on track. 

In regard to meditation, I never slow down enough to make the time to do this, but I’m sure it would help center me.  I don’t know much about it and need to do some research on techniques that might work well for me.

Yoga and me don’t mix.  I’ve tried it before and am just no good at it.  I only get frustrated with what I can’t do and because of this, I know it won’t help me relax.

From Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety 

Aromatherapy
Inhaling essential oils can alter brain activity. Seek out scents that induce calm, such as lavender, jasmine, rose, and sandalwood. Use scent as a part of a calming ritual like a warm bath with lavender oil before bed with a cup of chamomile tea. Also, carry a small bottle with you to use while taking breathing breaks throughout your day.

Super strong scents give me a headache.  Though, I’m open to anything (except yoga!) and may look into getting some relaxing essential oils, but won’t go out of my way to do it.

From Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety 

Breathe. Release. Repeat.
Deep breathing slows the body’s rhythms and restores calm. This is a super effective and completely free way of ritualizing relaxation and being present.

1. Schedule your cell phone to vibrate every three or four hours.
2. Take five deep, relaxing breathes. Breathing in deeply through your nose and exhaling out of your mouth with a sigh. On each exhalation, visualize any tension or fatigue leaving your body.

Breathing, what an important part of living!  Sometimes, though, I feel like I forget to really breathe.  I only notice that I haven’t been breathing when I take a moment to slow down and stop.  When I worked in retail, I often got so busy that my breathing was quick and shallow.  There were many days of the week back then, that I felt like I had no time to breathe.  A week or so ago, I started doing this deep breathing and while at first it made me feel a little light headed, I do feel a calmness come over me as do it.  It slows me down enough to stop my brain from racing and gives me a minute to collect myself.  I can’t see myself setting my cell phone alarm to remind me to deep breathe, but I will breathe and repeat as needed. 

From Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety

Stress Session
Set aside ten minutes a day as your designated time to worry about anything that is on your mind. If anxiety starts to creep in at other times, remind yourself to deal with it during your “Stress Session” ONLY!

While this sounds like a good idea, I don’t know if it’ll work for me.  Can I pocket my worries as they come throughout the day?  I’m not sure, but my goal is to stop worry in its tracks.  I want to be able to get myself through the worrisome thoughts (that I often make bigger than they are) by being more zen and knowing when I need to just let it go.  Though, for larger worries, that I can do something about, I can see how this might be helpful.

From Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety

Herbal Remedies and Therapy (Again ONLY with doctor approval)I have found that about half of the time a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and natural remedies work just as well as prescription medications and with fewer side effects. However, if natural remedies do not alleviate symptoms, ask your general practitioner for a referral to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. Most herbal remedies listed below can be found at your local health food store.

Passionflower (Passion incarnate)—A powerful herbal relaxation aid with zero side effects. Researchers at Tehran University in Iran discovered Passionflower to be as effective as the anxiety-relieving drug Oxazepam. It comes in capsule or tincture form.

Valerian Extract—A sleep aid that typically works within thirty minutes of consumption and is not habit forming.

Green Tea Extract—Contains the amino acid L-theanine, which produces anti-anxiety effects.

I haven’t tried these remedies and they sound almost too good to be true.  Can they really aid in relaxation and sleep?  I’m intrigued by passionflower and will be on the look out for this.  Valerian extract is something I would love to give Zoey, who has such a hard time going to sleep most nights.  I feel leery about it though, as I don’t want to “drug” my child, even if it’s natural, without getting doctor approval. Maybe I’ll ask her pediatrician about this.

Quote from Five Easy Fixes to Ease Anxiety

“Anxiety and fear feed off each other. They exist because of each other—they are each other’s host and parasite. The more anxiety you feel, the more fear is dominating your life. Sometimes anxiety presents itself because we are afraid of repeating old patterns (ruminating about the past) or of what could happen (projecting fearfully into the future). When we live in the past or the future, we lose the ability to be fully present in the here and now.”

Instead of being present in the moment, in my mind I’m moments ahead, projecting.  Being honest with myself about how I’m feeling and sharing it on my blog has lead me to the conclusion that I’m not so freaky, there are others like me.  This knowledge, as well as, thinking about my anxiety in depth is helping to alleviate some of my anxiousness.  I’m feeling more Zen as each day goes on.  I’m starting to truly grasp that there is only so much I can do and that has to be enough. 

Next week: Part III Zen Parenting