There’s not much about me that’s Zen-like. I don’t have time for that deep breathing mumbo jumbo, though I have tried it before and it always felt a little weird to me. It’s also entirely possible that I wasn’t doing it right. Are there super organized, centered moms that make time for this? There must be, but I’m nothing if not scatterbrained. My brain is cluttered and unfocused; it’s working overtime and not getting paid. I need to find a way to shut it down, to turn off the perfectionist control button. Maybe meditation is the answer, if I can find a way to do it correctly.
My brain isn’t the only part of my life that’s unorganized; it’s anything and everything around me. I barely have time to do important tasks, such as paying bills, little alone do things for myself, like writing the teen novel that has been floating around in my head, for years, waiting to be shared with the world. I have an ever growing stack of pictures that need to be dated and placed in photo albums and milestones to be filled out in baby books. I need the impossible: more time in my days. Perhaps I just need to get better at managing the time I do have.
I was pregnant with Hunter when we moved into our apartment almost two years ago. I unpacked by shoving items into various closets and cabinets, telling myself I would organize it later. Who was I kidding? I was a tired working mommy (Zoey was two at the time) that was about to have a baby! There was no way I would ever have time to go back and organize. Of course, I didn’t, and all that stuff remains in the same place today. If I could get my house more organized, making sure everything had a “home” and then we (hubby and kids included!) all made an effort to get everything to stay in said place, then I might feel less scattered inside. Why can’t I find Hunter’s butt cream when I need it? It’s either hiding under the couch or buried beneath a pile of toys. Why can’t it be in a convenient location, like the diaper bag or the bathroom? And while the search is on for the butt cream, I forgot where I put my brain, can we look for that too?
Writing my weekly blog has made me realize I might be a little crazy. I think I might be worrying about every little detail of my kids’ lives too much. The next thing that happens, like Hunter falling off the couch, that I attempted to control, but couldn’t, just might give me a heart attack. While I want to be conscious of my parenting decisions, I think it would be healthier for all of us if I let go a little bit. Is this a realistic goal for me? I don’t know, but an adjustment needs to be made somewhere and it needs to happen inside me. Where’s that switch?
How can I get my unfocused brain to narrow in on something that might be helpful to me? Is there an easy answer and where should I start looking for it? Well, perhaps I should start at the place most of us turn in situations like this: Google. I will search for ways to deal with all of my brain clogged, unorganized, over-parenting ways. Then I’ll write a series of posts that focus on improving myself one week at a time. I’m begin my search with the basics: organizing tips and tricks. Maybe I can finally get my pictures and the gazillion toys floating around our place organized. Then maybe I’ll look up Zen parenting techniques (deep breathing here I come?) or anything else that might help bring back my sanity and make me a better parent. Somewhere in the endless possibilities of the web, I’m hoping to find some light bulb flashing, inspiring ideas (I hear Pinterest calling my name). Fingers crossed that I will find ways to help me clear the clutter around and inside of me, so I can become more present and relaxed in life, but most of all with my kids.
What do you think I search for in that Google box to help me on my journey? If you have come across anything that might help me improve myself, please share!
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