Decisions, Decisions: Putting Down Roots

I question myself and ponder upon many of the decisions I make on behalf of my children.  These choices could be both big and small.  Of course I have their best interest at heart when I try to make them.  I think I can confidently say that I’m not the only parent that does this.

Growing up is hard. I want to make life seamless for Zoey and Hunter.  While I know kids are resilient, I want to do everything within my power to help things go smoothly for them.  I question how I parent on many different levels.  From wondering if I brush Zoey’s teeth well enough to discipline techniques, pediatricians, preschools and in large part the home or city we live in.  In many ways I’m a perfectionist and really a control freak in some situations.  I’d like to do whatever I can that is within in my control to make life ideal for them.   Intellectually I know that nothing can be perfect but I still strive for it.   I can’t control every aspect of our lives but the ones that I have any say in I aim to.

My recent “let me obsess over this decision” is how one chooses the best place to live.  I think this is easier for homeowners.   When buying a home you put down roots.  You’re kids go to whatever school district you live.  It’s all been decided, you plan to stay for the long haul.   We don’t own a home.  There is no permanence in renting, no root planting.  We moved from a place we owned, a one bedroom condo in Long Beach to a two bedroom apartment in Los Alamitos that we rent.

In Long Beach we were only blocks from the beach.  It was great to get those ocean scents at night and be within walking distance of it, but we rarely took Zoey down there.  Though, Joe to this day still says he misses running on the beach. It’s hard to say we miss anything else.  It wasn’t a place we wanted to raise our kids.   We lived on a very busy street, right near a traffic light.  While this might be fine for other parents, it didn’t feel right for us.  We didn’t feel secure letting Zoey walk down the street.  I felt like I needed to be right there with her, holding her hand.  We didn’t have a yard or a safe place for her to play.  Parking was also difficult to find.  At times we had to park blocks away from where we lived.

I knew that by the time Zoey was school age we needed to be living in a city in which we planned to stay.  We needed to put down some roots, but we were pulling up roots by short selling our condo.  When we bought it I had hoped it would be our starter home.  I thought we’d live there a few years, then sell it and use the profits to buy a family home.  The housing market crashed and it didn’t work out the way I had planned.  I had always heard great things about the Los Alamitos School District.  So when it came time to look for a place to live Los Alamitos was the only place I wanted to look.  We found an apartment.  It wasn’t everything I wanted.  I would have liked to have a backyard, a washer and dryer hook up but it was two bedrooms and we could afford it.  The area is pleasant and the street we live on is calm.  The sights and sounds of kids playing on the street is frequent.  I feel safe letting Zoey walk ahead and ride her bike and don’t feel the need to be right by her side.  

We outgrew our two bedroom apartment when Hunter arrived.  We make it work as we have no choice.  The cost of a three bedroom is more than we can afford on one income.  We don’t have the funds to buy a house soon.  I thought Los Alamitos was where we would stay but I’m not sure we’ll be able to buy a house here.  It’s also far too expensive to rent a house at this point.  Until Joe is lucky enough to get a teaching job this is the dilemma we are in.  We have two more years before Zoey will start Kindergarten. I would prefer to choose a city and stay there while the kids are in school.  I know millions of kids move all the time and survive it.  I just don’t want Zoey and Hunter to have to move once they have established friendships if I can help it.  Eventually, It would be ideal to be able to rent or possibly buy a house in a city in which we plan to stay.  I just don’t know if this will be possible in Los Alamitos.  I’m not sure how to make a confident decision about choosing another city.   

Maybe I’m worrying too much about this like I do every other decision.  Maybe a house with a yard, a city or a school district doesn’t matter as much as having two loving parents.  Maybe I have to decide what is more important, a highly rated school district versus a house with a yard.  I know that not having a backyard will not deter them from being upstanding individuals.  It would just be so great if they had one. 

There are people with less than us that have grown up to do great things.  There are people with more that have gone on to do worse things.  As long as Joe and I are there and do the best we can do with what we have everything will work out in the end.  If I make everything as perfect as I can then Zoey and Hunter won’t develop the skills they’d need to overcome hardships when come across them.  The problem is that I want so much more for them than what I can provide right now.  They don’t know what they are missing if I don’t tell them.   I have to accept and be happy with what I can provide right now.  

We still have two more years to decide where we want to plant roots.  If we want to stay here or move somewhere else.  Even homeowners have to move and nothing is truly permanent.  Hold on a minute, is this me saying I will stop worrying so much and stop pondering every decision? Maybe for just a moment, until I start to question myself again.